I normally don’t write about my personal life, but in this instance I think it’s important for me and for you to understand something about the legal system that I find very troubling.
So… I’ll try to be concise and accurate.
I was married for 36 years as of January 15, 2019. My former husband refused all attempts to mediate a settlement, although the law in my state regarding an equitable distribution of property is pretty uncomplicated.
Instead he forced a divorce trial like he was a Rockefeller (he is not).
It is estimated that less than ten percent of divorces ever go to trial–in fact, it’s estimated by some statisticians to be closer to five percent. In other words, ninety five percent of US marriages that end in divorce are settled amicably and out-of-court.
A divorce trial is a horrible waste of funds, and yet if your spouse presents a stalemate, you are simply forced to run up your legal fees. We had no custody issues, by the way. My children are grown and have their own lives.
So… on January 10, 2019, forced to go to trial, I had to sit through a day of ridiculous back and forth that ended up with a judge having to divide property. To give you an idea of how long this process was drawn out by my former spouse and his attorney, I filed for divorce on October 12, 2017. He refused court orders to present his financials, of course.
During the trial, there wasn’t anything to go after as far as my character or my financial disclosures and total transparency, but his lawyer certainly did his best, even pointing out I had allowed my disabled son to use our joint credit card to go to Taco Bueno and get gas for my car unfettered.
The opposing attorney then asked, did I use our credit card to go to something called “The American Atheist Convention” with my son. I said yes, I did. He then asked, “Is that some sort of religious organization?”
I snapped back, “A religious organization? Of course it’s not. Don’t you know what atheism is?”
No further questions. I live in the Bible Belt. Attempting to malign my character by implying I am a heathen was the best they could do. I really don’t even know if that violates my civil rights, but no one stepped up to defend me on that one. Just one more humiliation I suppose.
Anyway, by January 18, 2019 the judge issued a multi-page decision with official orders on property distribution to be carried out by my attorneys. So, I was awarded one half of all our retirement accounts which requires something called a Qualified domestic relations order. “A qualified domestic relations order (or QDRO, pronounced “cue-dro” or “qua-dro”), is a judicial order in the United States, entered as part of a property division in a divorce or legal separation that splits a retirement plan or pension plan by recognizing joint marital ownership interests in the plan.”
In addition to that, I was ordered one half our debt, which included a credit card that needed to be transferred into my name only by some legal mumbo jumbo.
So, I asked my attorney how I would get my money and she said she’d file all the stuff for me so I could receive my funds.
I was awarded a monthly alimony (small) as well as the judge deciding my husband could pay out a debt settlement over an 18 month period. Dates I was to receive these amounts were specified.
The attorney filed a lien on my house in case I failed to pay my debt. That was fine with me. They also filed something asking for some of the attorney fees to be awarded to me since he failed to provide his finances. (I will likely never be compensated for being forced to go to trial.)
So, low and behold, my ex-husband stopped paying his monthly obligation to me and is now $8500 behind.
So I asked my attorney could she please file contempt. She said not until I paid some on my bill. I said, well, when will I get my money in my name? She never answered and then left the firm without notifying me. Lovely.
So I figure the only way I can pay is to put it on my one credit card. I contacted the firm to pay by credit card, and guess what? After nine months, they have never transferred a single thing into my name. Nine months. So the credit card is rejected and what am I supposed to pay them with?
Mary is the attorney who said she was already taking care of my property division.
HERE ARE MY EMAIL RECORDS OF OUR EXCHANGES
Jul 8, 2019, 12:39 PM
to Mary
Mary I have not received any of the ordered money from (former spouse) since May 1st. I guess I have only the choice of a contempt of court action? My understanding is that it also requests all expenses I will be out of pocket for your time and filing fees. I’m so tired of this. BTW claims he doesn’t have the money are false. There’s a large amount of cash available to him in life insurance which is the only way I am even surviving right now was to access my own.
(Former husband) showed contempt over and over in judge’s orders but the judge never would hear it so I don’t know if he’s very sympathetic.
From Mary
Jul 8, 2019, 5:34 PM
to me
Hi Gretchen,
Thanks for the update. I wanted to also let you know that I’ve checked our billing software and it looks like you are carrying a substantial balance with our firm right now. You will want to address this before we start a new action. Let me check with John (head attorney) to see what his take is on (former husband’s) failure to pay and I’ll get back with you.
Jul 9, 2019, 8:21 PM
to Mary
Ok, thank you. Do you know when I will receive my money in my own name? In other words, the property division of his IRAs and retirement accounts? That will help me know how much I can pay. I would prefer to cover my entire balance that I owe and can I leave the sanctions money in there assuming he will cover it or what do I do??
AND THAT’S THE END OF MARY. NO “I’LL GET BACK WITH YOU” EVER HAPPENED. NO ANSWER AS TO WHERE MY MONEY IS SO I CAN ACTUALLY PAY MY BILL.
So by September 12, I decided to try putting a large sum toward my bill on my single credit card that was supposed to be transferred into my name (I have been paying on it monthly as I was awarded that debt.)
Gretchen
Sep 12, 2019, 9:53 PM
to John, Mar
Have I paid enuf on my bill for you to file contempt. I cannot make it financially without my settlement. Please tell me what to do. I don’t understand how someone can just deny a court order. Please bill this to (former husband) as well. I understand contempt is to be charged to the offending party.
I also don’t understand where we are on the division of property and when I will receive my money in my name. I have been very sick and am having a hard time.
Judy handles the invoicing. Guess what? This is how I found out Mary left the firm.
Gretchen
Sep 12, 2019, 9:59 PM
to Judy
I just received an auto message that Mary is no longer there. Ugh. Each time it changes someone new doesn’t know what’s going on. This is a mess. (Former spouse) is not following the court order for monthly payments and I’m not getting any info on my money division. I can’t believe this. Please bill this to (former husband). Contempt should be covered by him.
Judy
Sep 13, 2019, 10:55 AM
to me
Gretchen I forwarded your email to John for a response. Do you not want me to run the credit card you gave me? If you do, I will have to have the zip code for the billing address for the card.
From: Gretchen
Sep 13, 2019, 5:31 PM
to Judy
Yes, I do. I’m sorry but (former spouse) has messed with all my accounts but it should be #####. If that’s not right let me know.
Judy
Sep 16, 2019, 10:26 AM
to me
I tried to run the card but it was declined due to a mismatch on the zip code. ?
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 11:30 AM
to Judy
Ok let me see what he changed it to now hang on
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 11:34 AM
to Judy
Must be #####
Judy
Sep 16, 2019, 11:37 AM
to me
Still says it is a mismatch and won’t go through.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 11:47 AM
to Judy
Ok, I’ll check it out. I’m so sorry. This is why I need help. I’ll get back ASAP
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 12:00 PM
to Judy
Well, the last statement had ##### on it, but I just went into my online account and changed it to ##### manually and received a confirmation. It that doesn’t work, I’ll have to do even more investigation.
Judy
Sep 16, 2019, 1:05 PM
to me
Still no match.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 1:11 PM
to Judy
Ok, thanks. I will contact Cap One
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 1:22 PM
to Judy
It would appear I have to charge this way
(credit card number)
9/20
(3 digit code)
Mastercard
Former husband’s name because nobody ever put it in my name.
zip #####
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 1:46 PM
to Judy
Please let me know if that was declined too.
Judy
Sep 16, 2019, 4:47 PM
to me
I’m sorry but I can’t run a card with (former husband’s) name on it.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 5:07 PM
to John, Judy
Thank you Judy. It was Mary’s job to do this since the judge’s decision in on January 18, 2019.
This entire law firm has dropped the ball on me. I have no credit now? Wow.
And (former husband) has ( not) paid a cent for months and Mary said I had to pay to get her to file that.
This is shameful treatment.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 5:14 PM
to Judy, John
(former husband) has not paid a cent (since May). Here’s the document from the judge. (I attached Judge’s orders). So I’ve been paying down the debt assigned to me but can’t charge anything because for 9 months not a single move has been made to separate these assets and accounts as ordered by the court?
I am stunned.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 5:16 PM
to Judy, John
I mean seriously, what do you want me to do? Contact Legal Shield or what?
(NOW JOHN, HEAD ATTORNEY FINALLY DECIDES TO RESPOND)
From John
Sep 16, 2019, 5:26 PM
to me
Gretchen,
Have you contacted (former husband) to get any of these assets separated? You told me you are not going to pay for a contempt case. We have no obligation to start new litigation and work for free. If you want to fire me then let me know. Otherwise, I am planning to appear at the hearing on our motion for fees.
I can tell you are frustrated with (former husband) but that gives you no reason to be rude to Judy or to threaten me.
Gretchen
Sep 16, 2019, 7:04 PM
to Judy, John
No I did not say I wouldn’t pay. What I said was the person in contempt is responsible for contempt costs and those fees need to be charged to him as well. Mary specifically told me she was separating the funds through an outside service she had worked with before and that I could not do that myself.
She also never consulted me about the sanction amount which I wanted to see.
Being upset that no one from your firm has separated my assets for 9 months as promised is justified. I was never rude to Judy and if you find I have threatened you then I suggest you grow up and do your job.
You are ridiculous and unprofessional to speak to me that way. Your firm has dropped the ball and you need to fix it.
And Judy I am sorry if you think I was rude. You were quite patient with me.
John
Sep 17, 2019, 9:41 AM
to me, Judy
Gretchen:
You are misstating the facts and insulting me and my firm. I am not required to put up with this level of acrimony or to work for free. We will be filing a motion to withdraw from your case. There is a motion for fees pending that is scheduled to be heard in October. I will mail you a copy of the motion to withdraw. I still expect you to pay your bill.
Gretchen
Sep 17, 2019, 10:16 AM
to John
Please let me know what I am mis-stating. I was told my funds would be separated by your firm per the court order 9 months ago. Is this what you feel I am mis-stating? The judge ordered this and through negligence you have failed to comply or thru malfeasance on the part of your employee who actually never carried thru on that court order.
Again, what am I mis-stating so I may explain this to a subsequent attorney.
John
Sep 17, 2019, 10:27 AM
to me
The only thing that we have not done is prepare a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). We typically have an actuary prepare the QDRO but we are not going to front that expense as you have declined to pay on your bill. Additionally, (former husband’s attorney) was not particularly cooperative in getting a QDRO prepared. Otherwise, we have completed everything we would reasonably be expected to complete.
Gretchen
Sep 17, 2019, 10:33 AM
to John
I am trying to pay the bill, John. You have left me with no funds since January or I would have paid you months ago. Mary never once said in January I must pay before she filed that. So the facts are different here as she told me she was doing that immediately. In addition, you have a lien on my house. Put a lien of whatever you want in addition to that. You will be paid. Otherwise, I will take this to a higher authority including the judge, showing proof that your firm did not follow his orders either as I was promised you would do.
Otherwise, feel free to withdraw and I will forward that letter on to the Judge, the bar and Legal Shield and see where I stand.
Gretchen
Sep 17, 2019, 12:32 PM
to John
Also, if you plan to withdraw, I would like the following questions answered in your withdrawal please:
I quote you:
Additionally, (former husband’s attorney (Mr. Klenda) was not particularly cooperative in getting a QDRO prepared. Otherwise, we have completed everything we would reasonably be expected to complete.
My question: Did you not consider it part of your duty to make sure (former husband’s attorney) cooperated by reporting him to the judge during a period of 9 months? If so, I would like a copy of that dated motion you filed on my behalf to get this done.
Or, if you don’t believe that is the duty of the attorney representing me, did you consider it my responsibility to force (former husband’s attorney) to comply with the judge? If so, please produce the documentation that you notified me even once in the last 9 months that you communicated with me that your were passing the duty on to me and expected me to know he was not cooperating or that I needed to force him to comply through some sort of non-legal method? What instructions did you supply to me to tell me how to do that?
Again, that’s any time in the past 9 months that I was notified of anything other that Mary instructing me it was going into the hands of the actualies (actuaries immediately) immediatey in January.
=============================
So, that’s the end of the email exchange. And guess what? He filed a motion to withdraw and had it signed by a judge within about 24 hours time, never allowing me to present my side of the story to the judge.
Because I was “rude” and “insulted” his firm and “refused to pay.”
I called three judge’s office and asked if there was some kind of due process to present the facts I had. Nope. I asked so you mean a lawyer can say anything they want about you, withdraw and you receive no opportunity to defend yourself? Nope.
And that’s where I am today. I did check with Bar Association ethics and I believe he violated just about everything you can as far as withdrawing at a time that leaves the client at a crucial point–and a judge that couldn’t care less and signed the paper–sort of like the thin blue line.
There is no end to this story. I have to go to court by myself this week (pro se) and just ask the judge what he expects me to do.
Why do I care that the attorney withdrew? Because I will have to pay extra for a new attorney to catch up on all this. I want him to finish the job.
The legal system is so flawed. I am so worn down.