My mother, grandmother and I shared a wicked sense of humor. One of my favorite holiday memories is the opening of “The Christmas Letter” popularly enclosed in Christmas cards in the days when people actually sent out cards.
Each letter would go on glowingly about the stellar accomplishments of each and every family member, bragging about everything from financial status to educational milestones to perfect family vacations and cheers to the coming year of even more good fortune headed their way.
After we read these syrupy-sweet works of fiction, we would imagine what our “Christmas Letter” would say about the year we just barely survived:
We are happy to report that cousin Joey has received probation following his arrest for counterfeiting. We hope he has learned his lesson and that he will quit hanging out with the wrong crowd. Auntie Jane is helping him study for his GED, which he hopes to earn by the end of June, just before he turns 40 in August.
On another legal note, his sister Melanie will not be charged with attempting to highjack an airplane because she was only armed with a banana. Her new anti-psychotics seem to really be agreeing with her and ironically she is volunteering her time at the zoo in order to fulfill her community service requirements.
Grandpa only got the pistol out of the closet twice this year. We are tickled pink that his periods of despondence seem to be fewer and far between! We suspect it is because he put down the bourbon and now only drinks beer and wine. If that doesn’t work, we are looking into a prescription for medical marijuana.
Uncle John is getting a divorce but has met a nice lady online. He is sending her money she is carefully saving for her ticket to the United States. From the photos he has shown us, she is quite a looker! We wish them luck as this will be John’s sixth run at marriage!
We had hoped to have a family reunion this year, but no one could afford to travel what with the cost of our high deductible health insurance. The good news is that our family will receive research funds for participating in a study on genetic mutations starting right after the new year!
Spreading holiday joy to you and yours!